(before you guys read this, I just wanted to let you guys know. that this was very hard for me to write, because it was an event i have tried to forget, but i just couldn't. i was very emotional when i wrote this. I am also aware that this may seem sad and depressing, but it is the truth. Forgive me if this piece isn't good, like I said, i was very emotional when I wrote this, thank you)

What happens when you let go of someone you love?

"So, what is it like where you live?" asked Jayna. She looked deeply in my eyes as I turned to face her. This question is not her first time asking it. We have been sitting in this airport for more than 20 minutes. Finally, the silence broke.

"Well there is no pollution, and it is very cold in the winter" I replied back without breaking eye contact.

She then moved from the chair beside me and mounted on me.

"Just like that" She locked her arms around my head and kissed me.

As our lips collided, energy pulsed from my mouth, down to my feet.

I wanted this moment to last. I just want another day with her. Just the two of us. Alone. That's all.

The noise of the busy airport was muffled. Time slowed down but then I was slapped back to reality as the intercom announced my flight. It was time for boarding.

"This is it" I said without opening my eyes.

"No! please don't go!"

"I have to go" as I struggled to get up. It was like walking against an invisible strong gust.

Far away, the flight attendant opened the big doors, inside was a tunnel connected to the airplane.

I stopped on my tracks as I saw her reflection in the polished window. She was crying. I too cried and slowly walked back at her.

As I faced her, I was wordless. She turned her back at me but I grabbed her and we kissed so hard that my lips started hurting.

That did it. She stopped crying and so did I.

I looked at the flight attendant. I didn't hear her, but her mouth commanded "5 minutes" and pointed at the line of passengers. The line was a long.

I didn't care if I was the last one to put my hand carried luggage in. The passenger complains about his or her hand carried luggage that is stored away really far. I won't complain.

Jayna opened my dragon colored hoodie, and rested her head on my left chest. My heart beat was a remedy.

Five minutes was up, and my right arm got numb when I let her go. I thought to myself, is this a spiritual sign?

I thought the tunnel was like a portal to the nether world as I walked towards it. I glanced back at Jayna who gave a flying kiss.

I pretended as if I got shot by a bullet. I stumbled backwards and little did I know there were about four American women standing in front of me. I knocked them down, their hand carried luggage opened. In the middle of the scene was a vibrator. Don't mind the thongs and panty hose lying around, and people never gave attention to me. People's eyes were glued to the vibrator.

"Its mine" I said in a gay tone. I regret saying that. The memorable quote of my friend who is anti-gay pierced my mind.

"Another example of mans feminization, setting the standards of gayness to the max"

I glanced at Jayna who was cracking up. She gave a final goodbye wave.

Walking in the tunnel, the alarm went off. Everything morphed around me, and I woke back to reality. I was exasperated to find out it was only a dream.

I hated dreaming about the scene because I wanted to forget her, but I couldn't. A residual event taking place in my dreams. What a torture, it is far safer to be feared than to be loved.

Like a kleptomaniac, I reached for the plug.

First thing I noticed was the house smelled like burnt Chinese food. When you inhale it, the smells tastes great but there was a smoky smell after it.

After a while, I heard noises downstairs. I clearly forgot that my cousins were here. Well they are actually my niece's and nephew's, but I like to say they are my cousins.

Damn, I thought to myself. I can't sleep with all these racket. And who in the fuck turned the tv volume to 100?

That day I had super sonic hearing. In one room, I heard my niece who is a year younger than I am talking to some dude in the phone. She was washing dishes, the faucet sounded like rain drop.

In another room, my nephews were playing gears of war.

"Shane did Christian teach you how to glitch?" Asked Ziggy

"you need to umm, ummm, I dunno!"- replied Shane.

"Crap, Shane why did you pick friendly fire?"- asked Ziggy

"ah crap!, where the heeeck is that sniper"- asked Ziggy

"Wow, corner sniping"- said Shane

"BOOM HEADSHOT!"- yelled Shane. I pictured that in my mind as I heard the sound of windows breaking. That was the headshot sound in the game.

I giggled to myself and licked my lips for it was dry. I tasted salty and sweet at the same time, like a rotten jack fruit. Was I crying?

"Turn it down!!!!" I yelled.

And as soon as I yelled, everything went quite and I heard my niece walking up the stairs. She is the only one that doesn't use the wooden handles. If someone used it, the sound would be like cleaning a wooden floor with paper sand.

She scared the shit out of me when I saw her in the doorway. My first thought was who the fuck are you? She was wearing a 4 XL white t-shirt, not my t-shirt, and her nappy hair was up like Frost from mortal kombat. Looked like a ghost with a void like body.

"Good morning, your door was open" said my niece.

"Did they go shopping?" I asked

"Yes, they probably won't be back until evening" replied my niece.

Evening I thought. The house is ours, it made me happy. I looked at the time, 5:41 am. What in the world? It is unusual for my parents to shop this early.

My niece went downstairs to announce I was up. I quickly closed the door and looked around for my phone.

Jayna's picture was in there. Her picture was her gift of return since I gave her American coins for remembrance.

Looking at her picture made me sad.

When I moved my left arm, the pain goes directly to my heart, it was a natural pain for strength builders. But the pain of leaving Jayna and Waking up to find out what's done can't be done, is far greater.

I listened to the songs in my phone.

Each of the songs had lyrics that I can relate to and I had a virtuoso about it.

First song was I can't smile without you by Barry Manilow.

"You know, I, Can'ttt smileee without youuuu" I imagined myself as an old cranky man. Just like my step-father, an old man mad at everything because death is not escapable.

"You came along, just like a song, and brightened my day" I remembered when Jayna and I, first met. We never had that "spark", but as we progressed, the spark finally came.

Next song, When a man loves a woman by Michael Bolton.

"When a maaaaannn loves a wooomannn" I remembered having sex with her the first time. It was wonderful. She. Was wonderful.

Next song, I don't want to miss a thing by Aerosmith.

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breaaaathinggg" I thought of my pillow that rested on my chest as Jayna's head listening to my heart beat.

"And I just wanna stay with you, In this moment forever, forever and ever" I remembered cheesy things we did together. Boat rides, Nature walks, Picnics. Things a normal guy wouldn't do.

"Well, I just wanna be with you, Right here with you, just like this" I remembered the first time we cuddled. We conversed deeply. The spark was there. It was also her first time listening to my heart beat. It was truly romantic. It was true love materialized. You see, lust is the first stage of love, without it, one can't fall in love without falling in lust first. And that being said, it was her physical attraction that attracted me towards her. Then her personality afterwards.

The next song stirred my emotions. I tried to change my emotions so that I could change the song, but I couldn't. I felt fear of the unknown. The feeling of being watched, and the feeling of loosing someone. All of the feelings were so heavy, it acted as a chain that held me down to my bed. I Can't live without you by Harry Nilsson.

"No I can't forget this evening, nor your face as you were leaving, but I guess that's just the way the story goessss" The starting point of my sorrow. My eyes watered and I licked my lips. I saw Jayna waving her hand at me, everything dimmed to dark and she was in a spotlight.

"You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows" I remembered viewing her pictures in Friendster almost two years later. She was happy with her new boyfriend, but her eyes showed sorrow. I also remember hearing from a family member that Jayna's new boyfriend was abusive and so she broke up with him.

"No, I can't forget tomorrow, When I think of all my sorrow" I remember telling her romantic promises. Now, I regret saying it. Now I am crying like a river.

"When I had you there, but then I let you goooo" She was my soul-mate, and I've found her. But I let go of her...I have let go of that spark that most people in the world can never find....I regret doing that....

"Can't live if living is without you" Saw myself as a lonely man. Saw myself walking towards a house, kids playing, two parents smiling at each other. An old couple sat in the patio holding hands. Then everything dissipated when I forced myself not to think of it.

Still listening to the song, I thought of the quote "Communication is the key, without it, one will live in a false reality thinking to himself or herself that they are loved" I did not want to be that person lost in surrealism nor the person that leads on the other person. Not that she was leading me on but..you get what what I mean, don't you?

In reality, I was confused and felt not loved. Like an amputee person, Jayna was my limb.

So what happens if you let go of the someone you love? You will weep forever until another person better than him/her comes forward.

I learned that If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, It was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with.