I 

She loved him, a lot. Perhaps more than she could ever imagine loving anyone. She knew him since childhood. He was the first guy to hold her hand and walk along the beach. He was the first guy she had punched; the first guy she had hugged; the first guy she had rolled with, in the sand at the seashore. He was the first person of the opposite sex to know that she had grown up. She did not mind discussing it with him; in fact he was the one who had provided her the insight into its physiology.

He was the one who always kept telling her what was the right thing to do and what she should not be doing. She loved him and he did not know. There was no chance of him knowing it. She never let that happen. She did not know why, but she was scared of him. He was only four years elder to her, was her best friend but he always sounded like a big brother trying to protect her from the bad guys. 

As a teenager, she had her own share of infatuations till she realized that he was the guy she really loved. In the beginning, she tried to ignore her feelings as one of her infatuations. He was the first person to know about her infatuations, other than her infatuation for him. He was the person who ran a quick study on the background of the guys she dated.

One night she shared a different kind of secret with Karan, she shared her experience of first kiss, which happened to be with her third date. The first two dates did not go further than a handshake and a dance. He had told her so in advance, but she had not believed. The third date was special, he had told her and he was sure she would spend more time with that guy than she did with the first two.  Something strange had happened the night she had told him about the first kiss. The starlit sky and his company was a perfect combination. When she looked in his eyes, she could not stop herself from staring at him. The moment seemed so magical. That very moment she wanted to kiss him. The butterfly feeling in her stomach was getting too unbearable. More than that, she felt something else stir within her, something that had not happened before. She was just sixteen, then.

Her third date seemed to last longer than she had assumed it would, rather it turned out to last longer than she wanted it to. After the night of her first kiss, she started receiving a red rose every morning. She knew it was from the same person but she did not show it on her face. She let the roses come, she kept the rose on her desk, everyday and threw it in the waste paper basket when the next one arrived. She dated the same guy for a few days but she did not let him kiss her again. She could not allow him. Hence, she was not surprised when he chose another girl after a few weeks time. But the roses kept coming. She smiled. She kind of liked it. What kind of man he was? Dating another woman and sending roses to his ex-girlfriend. The roses were beautiful so she let them come.

After the night she told Karan about her first kiss, things changed. She realized that the weird feeling within her resurfaced every time she was with him. Her desire to rush into his arms grew stronger every time they met. She was no more comfortable in his presence but still she wanted to meet him. She realized that she started having sleepless nights and her dreams now exclusively belonged to him. She dreamed of their future together and whenever she saw them together, she did not see them making love, she saw both of them, grey haired, holding each other’s hand and walking along the seashore. Though not immediately, she finally realized that she was not merely infatuated towards him, she really loved him. He was the man she would love to spend her rest of the life with. He was the man she was meant to be in the arms of. He was the man, the only man who could make her happy. She could not date any other guy after she realized how she felt for him. Over a period of time, the beautiful roses started irritating her. She started throwing the roses in the waste paper basket the moment they arrived. There was no way to stop them from coming. There was no florist she could talk to and she did not know the whereabouts of her third date. Why he was still interested in sending roses to her, she did not know. 

A single rose, placed every morning on her doorstep, waited to be picked up as she opened the door to pick up the morning newspaper. She wanted to leave the rose on the doorstep but she did not want her folks to know about it. Hence she picked it up every morning and brought it to her room, only to throw it in the waste paper basket. 

She secretly continued loving Karan, cherishing every moment she spent with him. She hoped that someday he would understand her love and reciprocate it. As they held hands and walked at the seashore she could feel the chemistry between them and wanted the moment to last forever. She tightened her grip on his hand whenever she felt that weird feeling within. She wondered whether he realized that, even if he did, he never showed it on his face.

He once questioned her why she had stopped dating and she lied for the first time in her life. She told him that she was too heartbroken to date anyone else after she came to know that her last date had chosen another girl over her. She told him that she needed time to start dating again. She could not tell him about the roses she received everyday. So many times she wanted to tell him but then she could not. What would she tell him? My third date who is now dating someone else still sends me a rose every morning? No way! 

Five years, she spent five whole years loving him and not telling it to him on his face. Too long a time to secretly love someone, she decided. She made up her mind of telling him, no matter how he reacted. She should have done it long back but she could not. But now, she decided, she had to. Merely dreaming about spending her life with him was not enough; she had to do something for them to come together. 

... to be continued [two more parts]