Dead End 4 votes Featured in Fantasy, Horror, Thriller genre. 4 vote up
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001_moment Frantastic said on Thursday 21st of May...

hey this is just a little piece I came up with when I was doing an english writing paper in perperations for exams. please comment, or give advice on how I can improve! :D

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Thursday 1st of July...

First off I would like to say, this is a very good story. How ever I will admit it is a tad confusing. Found my self lost more then once and had to go back and reread some things. I definitely think it needs some work, perhaps if you could find away to allow your thoughts to flow much more smoothly together. Be a tad bit more descriptive. Over all I think it is a grate story, just keep working at it. ^_^

001_moment Frantastic said on Sunday 4th of July...

cheers, i'll try and rework it before putting it back up, what parts specifically?

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Thursday 8th of July...

In the first two paragraphs where she goes from trying to push the door closed to sitting in front off the fire with her dog, doesn’t make mush sense. She shouldn’t transition from a panicked state to a clam one so quickly. Maybe if you explain how she gets from point A (Pushing against the door) to point B (Sitting by the fire), perhaps she see her fate coming, and is oddly clamed by the inevitable? Or something like that, just and example.

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Thursday 8th of July...

Also is the bit about the dog really necessary? I mean he doesn’t seem to serve any purpose. Maybe instead of having the dog there, she reminisces about a similar time with her dog.

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Thursday 8th of July...

If you could be a tad more descriptive about what is chasing her. I mean what exactly are Jason and his cronies? Are they demons? Are they men? She sees them right? So tell us what she see, more clearly. If don’t want to say what they are then that is fine, but I found my self jumping from thinking she was being chased by a hell hound like creature to a more human like creature, is there more then one tip of being after her? If so, say so.

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Thursday 8th of July...

Over all it is a really good story idea and I enjoyed reading it even though it was a bit confusing for me. I always enjoy finding new and interesting stories, and you definitely have what it takes to become a grate writer one day. You just have to keep at it. I know I’m not one to talk snits my stories still need a lot of work them selves, but hopeful I can be a bit of help to you, Cuz sometimes it take someone else to see what we our self tend to over look.

001_moment Frantastic said on Monday 27th of September...

wow a hell of a lot to change then! Though I am grateful, i know what you mean about having to have someone else look things over for you. I'll try and fix it... might take me a few months but hey ho, no pain no gain! :D thanks again

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