“What is the meaning of my name” Aatma asked her father. “Its soul” he replied. “what is soul” Aatma asked again” Was he a great person of all the mosquito communities or was he from our town?”
“No” he said, “it’s not like that, it’s not a name of a hero”
“Then, was he a great singer and the song you try to teach me is of him” and she started singing with her nose “… mnnnnnnmnnnn mnnnm mnn mn mnnn “
“Ha ha ha. No. No.Noooo. stop! Listen, it’s not a name. Aatma means soul which is inside us. We have a body and a soul and soul is a part of Almighty. You will understand it when you will grow up.”
Aatma was mesmerized with the meaning of her name and after some weeks she understood that when someone doesn’t know the meaning himself he says “you will understand it when you will grow up.” and now she was waiting to grow up.
Aatma was an innocent young mosquito and was adorable by all,but in her fate only one part was missing and it was her mother. Other young female mosquitoes used to go for sucking blood with their mothers but she was not so lucky. Sometimes, his father used to take her to humans where she could feel the taste of blood of humans and rest of the time she was fed by her aunt.
One day, when she was playing near the still water beneath an old but working hand pump, where other female mosquitoes were laying eggs and the grown young kids were flying here and there. She heard her name by someone. She went nearer to that sound and she saw that a male mosquito was talking to her female who was laying eggs. Aatma hid near a stone and tried to hear the conversation. She could hear some words “it was all bluish and she was attracted to it though she knew what it was…………… then a heat…..spark…..” that’s all she could hear and she couldn’t understand anything but all she could understand was that the person was talking about her mom. She was curious to know about her mom but never asked her father because she knew that he has moved on and if she talks about her mother, he will get upset.
She must find that person and must ask him about her mother but then she remembered that it was the time when her father will come and if he doesn’t find her he will get angry. So she ran to the place where her aunt was laying eggs. She tried to find her father and then realized that he had not arrived then. She was relaxed.
His father came and asked Aatma’s aunt whether she needed anything and she replied in no. Then he came near to Aatma and held her hand and started flying back to home and asked” did you enjoyed” she answered” yes papa! Did you” and his father gave a look which said that he didn’t know if he enjoyed or not and he didn’t expect that question because she had never asked him this kind of question and then he smiled and Aatma started looking somewhere else intentionally because she was worried that his father may catch her emotions.
Then to avoid this situation she asked her father” papa! Why we suck humans blood… are they our enemy” and was thinking that may be this time also his father will say that she will understand it when she will grow up. Father looked at her and then while moving ahead with holding her hand he replied” it’s not like we are enemy of humans but it’s our need. Blood is our food. For males the sap of plants which is similar to blood for humans. Neither are we enemies of plants nor of humans. It’s the way of life. Life has provision for everything. We are a medium. Life has to maintain the balance of every specie on earth and not only specie but every atom. Life has record of every atom, if atom is the smallest thing.”
Then after a pause he said” sometimes, it becomes difficult to understand life. So it’s best to let it be the way it is and love it”
And then he looked at Aatma and saw that she was sleeping with open wings. He smiled and started singing”hmnn.. mnnn..nnnmm” and they moved on.
It was starting of night and Aatma was asleep. After sometime she has to go for sucking blood with his father. After few moments, she was disturbed by the noise which started increasing. She tried to avoid it, as she wanted to sleep more. Then she heard his father’s voice. He was trying to moderate the voice of her aunt. She woke up but did not get up from her bed. She tried to listen to the conversation.
“Bluish light……. 7 got killed. Spark…… you should not go outside…….let Aatma sleep “her aunt was saying. Then she heard her father’s wings and she knew that he was coming to her. She stood up and started getting ready for the trip of blood sucking.
“Aatma, will you forgive me? Because I am not feeling well today and I will not be able to take you to humans “ and without expecting or waiting for any answer he turned back and said” aunt will feed you tonight after sometime” and he went out.
After some time, Aatma’s aunt came to her and tenderly touched her forehead and started feeding her. Aatma was looking at the dark sky in which stars were staring at her. She once looked at her aunt and asked” have you ever loved someone or something more than uncle” and turned her eyes again to sky. Aunt replied” what kind of question that is?” There was a silence for a while. Perhaps her Aunt thought that Aatma will ask again and somewhere deep in her heart she also wanted to answer this question but as there was no reply from Aatma, she remained quite. Aatma looked at her again and said” you love me more than uncle”. Aunt said “yes darling! More than anyone I love you. Why are you asking these questions” she couldn’t be in eye contact with Aatma and while turning to the sky, she said” you know your mother also loved you very much”.
Aunt was gone. Father was outside. Aatma was alone at her place that night and was staring at the sky continuously. She was thinking “perhaps! Mom loved something or someone more than papa, even more than me. What was it? Was it so beautiful and attractive which made her careless about her and she left me and papa alone? ……. Who was it? What was it?” but there was no one to answer these questions. Tears came to her eyes and she, for the first time, felt so much love for her mother. Though she couldn’t remember her mother’s face but there was a glimpse of it in her sub conscious mind. Tears were continuously flowing out on her black sweet cheeks. And suddenly all this was gone. She saw a spark in the sky and a weird sound. She felt it for the first time. All her grief changed to a zeal for finding the truth. She wanted to know what it was. She wanted to get all the answers to her question right then. She became impatient and perhaps sometimes a little patience can change the whole world.
Her eyes filled with a shine which was saying that now only few moments and she will get all the answers. She went out and looked at her father. She wanted to kiss him but thinking that he might wake up, she turned back and opened her wings and flew away. Away from the world she was, to the world of her dreams, where she will get all the answers and perhaps she could feel what her mom had felt.
It was all bluish, like the sky was drowning in ocean. Everything was looking new and full of energy, and their waves were touching her. She could feel life in every single particle around him. she could feel that there was no importance of time. She had plenty of it and the space around her was not in any order but was wavy and everything was glaring at her and telling her something but that language of communication was though familiar to her but she couldn’t understand anything and neither she, after sometime, tried to understand that rather she was sinking in the blue energy flowing all around her, everywhere.
“This was the love and truth, Mom must have felt”, she said to herself. She unknowingly but intentionally suppressed the thought of what happened to her mother after meeting this beauty. “Perhaps this is the fate and if this beauty asks for the life it’s really not very much of the cost it should have.” she thought in her heart. This was not the time to think about profit and loss or about any materialistic dust which she always was covered with. She wanted to go closure to it but as close to it she was going, that much it was becoming difficult to see anything. It was not a world of eyes but it was a world of feelings and one could only see this not by eyes but by heart. It was turning now to light blue and there was center which was perhaps white and it was this where she had to go. Then she saw some sparks coming out in the space at some distance and then she went more closure and she could feel the heat which was even more attracting. She closed her eyes and closed almost everything, every sense organ and was on flowing without any effort.
Finally, there was a spark and then a big silence and it was still all blue.