Protectorate 2 votes Featured in Fantasy, Abstract genre. 2 vote up
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Comments

001_moment Frantastic said on Sunday 15th of May...

I really liked this, how the reader is only gradually fed bit by bit of information, makes you want to read on and learn more :) One sentence that didn't seem to make much sense was 'But it wasn’t until she screamed and caught the large muscle in her though with the heel of her stiletto that he dropped her.' but I'm sure its a simple typo, just thought I'd point it out - i do it constantly when switching things round etc. Anyway as usual a great piece!

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Sunday 15th of May...

Thanks. ^_^ And sorry about the typo, it should read. “But it wasn’t until she screamed and caught the large muscle in his thigh with the heel of her stiletto that he dropped her.” I am sorry about that, I’m dyslexic so I do try to read over my work before I post anything, but I don’t always catch everything, so thanks for pointing that out to me.

User Mach10 said on Wednesday 18th of May...

Hi DSW - I see you've mentioned that you are dyslexic so I'll pick up on a couple of errors for you. it's = it is. When you want to say its as a possive term, there's no apostrophe. pail = bucket: needs to be 'pale' too small glittering eyes > two envelop > envelope waned > wanted fallowing > following collage > college that draped his hand and swore > that he dropped his gand and swore muscle in her though > thigh silver sequenced skirt > sequinned was to woman > the woman shaped scare > scar

Dark (49) Dark_She_Wolf said on Friday 20th of May...

Thank you for your help, the piece obviously still needs some work. I often miss words that sound the some or look similar, so I appreciate you pointing out some of the things I missed. When I can I will go back over the piece and edit it.

Insanity xXxBebba0BxXx said on Friday 20th of May...

A very interesting piece! Makes you want to know more and more about the strange creature and it's possible link with the main character :D

Story's story

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