The Renaissance Man
When my oldest son was in the 3rd grade I was invited to be a chaperone on his field trip. I accepted not only for my son but I was also curious as to what a Renaissance festival was all about. We get off the bus and the first thing we got was a speech from a person asking us not to talk to or interact with any of the people there. Our visit was not appreciated by some of the more radical people there that took this thing seriously. I was really taken back by how authentic to the 16th Century time period everything was from the buildings, clothing and even their speech. It was like going back in time. As we took our tour sure enough some of the people did not like to see us there and avoided us… but there were also some nice people that interacted with us which caused a few of us to let down our guard. It was hot so I grabbed Josh and we strayed from the group walking over to what looked like an outdoors tavern or really big lemon aide stand. The bartenders back was turned to us and I couldn’t help notice the most beautiful long blonde flowing hair I had ever seen. I was getting in the Renaissance spirit so I slammed my hand on the counter and said “FETCH ME SOME MEAD WINCH!!” The flowing blonde hair bounced around in slow motion as I was prepared to greet a beautiful 16th Century Maiden, so you can imagine my surprise when I came face to face with the guy from the Capitol One commercials. And he wasn’t happy at being called a winch by someone that just walked off the tour bus. To lighten the situation with humor I said “What do you carry in your wallet?” I realized it didn’t work when the barbarian came over the bar in a single leap screaming a strange but very effective battle cry. Josh went eastbound and I was flying west. Josh quickly found a teacher to alert her to the soon to be massacre but he was shushed due to the crowning of the new King and Queen was in the process of taking place. As the crown was being placed on the Kings head here I come huffin’ around a corner and right through the middle of the ceremony with Conan the Barbarian right on my butt. I heard this booming voice yell “WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS INTRUSION?” For a minute there I honestly thought I was going to be swinging from the gallows. From the looks of the teachers faces and the other mothers from the sideline I think that would have actually been a more pleasant punishment. But nooooo!!! I was escorted into their custody by two Knights with my feet dragging. That was the longest bus ride home in history. I got a speech from every adult, my own son and even a few other kids all the way back to the school. Not only am I now banned from ever being a chaperone again but if the school board ever approves my petition to even attend another field trip a chaperone will actually be appointed to me… I’m just sayin!!