cell
Crime
The water’s murky reflection of my cell lay permanently distorted by the dripping of the ceiling’s leak. The impact of every delicate drop sent shockwaves through the shattered remains of my past. The old walls that enveloped me saw nothing leave but gave way to breezes cold enough, they could bring the ground itself to shiver. A single window overlooked the infinite abyss of freedom and possibility that I had once been part of but now a locked door stood between us. In the past I could spend hours staring out at the world between bars but now all I could see was a world that had passed me by.
I traced cracks in the floor with my fingertips, following them back to the point where the damage had been dealt. It was funny how I could find a metaphor for life in every corner of my cement coffin. I spent years tracing back through the debris that my sanity had been buried beneath. Back to the inciting incident, the catalyst of my demise and every time, I ended up in the same place, the day that taught me how unforgiving time could be. It was the longest day I remember living, looking back at all the possible things I could have done to avoid it, I still find it hard to imagine my life beyond that point being any different.
I awoke in the usual frame of mind, my head thinking faster than my body could keep up with therefore leaving my legs reluctant to even drag me out of the house. It took me a long time to prepare for my usual day. I stepped out the door without any where I was heading.
Hours into my day of miscellaneous tasks and odd jobs, I found myself at the counter of a newsagents buying my third pack of cigarettes of the day. I found myself thinking, “If death is the worst side effect of smoking, then I hadn’t much to loose.” Remembering thoughts such as that always made me cringe, I felt embarrassed to my self, as if the old me and the new me were completely different people and I had been viewing all my memories from a third person perspective. It took me many years of torment and isolation to grasp the fact that life is a lot easier than I had made it out to be. At least it was back then.
At that moment, I was knocked to the floor by whoever was occupying the point in the floor behind me that my shadow had fallen upon. This didn’t shock me as it would anyone else, as I was just completely lost in my own thoughts at the time. It took a lot to wake me from a daze and in this case, it was the impact of my landing. I wasn’t instantly shaken up either, just confused. I stared up at the giant who had thrown me open like a swinging door as he brandished a gun and held it placing the barrel about an inch from the shopkeepers chest. He was dressed head to toe in black and the only sign of human life coming from him was the calm relaxed breathing, he seemed so at ease that you’d have to watch him blink just to make sure he was alive. The shopkeeper didn’t share the same mentality though and he didn’t have much success in hiding the fact that he was horrified.
The man with the gun broke which felt like an eternity of panting and nervous sounds coming from the shopkeeper with soft and very peacefully toned words ordering him to empty everything in the till onto the counter.
In my mind this wasn’t real life, this was performance and I felt as if I was merely an audience, I felt no fear or concern as my mind was hovering a few feet above my head, watching on with full concentration so as not to miss out on anything.
The shopkeeper’s mind seemed preoccupied as he was unloading the money onto the counter, his eyes seemed to stray from the cash, as his panic seemed to almost intensify. The man with the gun paid no attention to it, he was beginning to show human emotion at this point as he smiled through his balaclava at all the money he had come upon, or in his own opinion, ‘earned’ and for one second he stared up at the ceiling as if to thank god for his bounty while in my own opinion he should have been staring downward in thanks as for it was this moment that the shopkeeper decided to clutch courage and raise the gun that lay behind the counter and unload three rounds into the stomach of the man opposite the counter.
The thief’s smile vanished and the look on his faced was replaced by one that could only be described as confused as he pulled the trigger of his own gun, sending a lead reply to the shopkeeper before slumping back onto the ground as the shopkeeper collapsed on to the counter.
I sat on the ground, attempting to comprehend what had just happened, in my head it had all been in slow motion while it all happened in a matter of seconds. I raised myself to my feet, staring at the wreckage, taking everything in. I wondered to myself if all of this was really happening or if I was still asleep and had taken my body’s advice and slept in.
suddenly, the thief began to move, I watched his hand reach for the gun which had slid to my feet, I spent a second watching him struggle in vein before I picked up out of reach, in his state he didn’t seem to pose much of a threat as he seemed to be suffering agony in every attempt to move.
I walked over to the counter observing the fallen shopkeeper, there were no signs of life from him at all, my eyes wandered over the scene until they came to the money. I stared at it for a moment, in my head was a war of morality, an angel and a devil whispering in both ears, and as usual, one voice seemed a little louder, I felt no fear of getting caught, as somehow I felt as if time had frozen around me, and what was the worst that could happen.
I took one step out from the automatic door with a shopping bag full of money to be greeted by a blinding light, and a voice through a megaphone, the police had arrived, I was confused “had it been that long already” I thought, in my mind it had only been a couple seconds since I was standing at the counter paying for cigarettes.
It was mad, nobody ever believed the truth about what really happened on that night, while I fell victim to my own greed and was given the blame for more than I had deserved. Now I lie in a cell, buried by a foolish mistake, branded a criminal and the angel and devil that both stood at upon shoulders have long since abandoned me.
I traced cracks in the floor with my fingertips, following them back to the point where the damage had been dealt. It was funny how I could find a metaphor for life in every corner of my cement coffin. I spent years tracing back through the debris that my sanity had been buried beneath. Back to the inciting incident, the catalyst of my demise and every time, I ended up in the same place, the day that taught me how unforgiving time could be. It was the longest day I remember living, looking back at all the possible things I could have done to avoid it, I still find it hard to imagine my life beyond that point being any different.
I awoke in the usual frame of mind, my head thinking faster than my body could keep up with therefore leaving my legs reluctant to even drag me out of the house. It took me a long time to prepare for my usual day. I stepped out the door without any where I was heading.
Hours into my day of miscellaneous tasks and odd jobs, I found myself at the counter of a newsagents buying my third pack of cigarettes of the day. I found myself thinking, “If death is the worst side effect of smoking, then I hadn’t much to loose.” Remembering thoughts such as that always made me cringe, I felt embarrassed to my self, as if the old me and the new me were completely different people and I had been viewing all my memories from a third person perspective. It took me many years of torment and isolation to grasp the fact that life is a lot easier than I had made it out to be. At least it was back then.
At that moment, I was knocked to the floor by whoever was occupying the point in the floor behind me that my shadow had fallen upon. This didn’t shock me as it would anyone else, as I was just completely lost in my own thoughts at the time. It took a lot to wake me from a daze and in this case, it was the impact of my landing. I wasn’t instantly shaken up either, just confused. I stared up at the giant who had thrown me open like a swinging door as he brandished a gun and held it placing the barrel about an inch from the shopkeepers chest. He was dressed head to toe in black and the only sign of human life coming from him was the calm relaxed breathing, he seemed so at ease that you’d have to watch him blink just to make sure he was alive. The shopkeeper didn’t share the same mentality though and he didn’t have much success in hiding the fact that he was horrified.
The man with the gun broke which felt like an eternity of panting and nervous sounds coming from the shopkeeper with soft and very peacefully toned words ordering him to empty everything in the till onto the counter.
In my mind this wasn’t real life, this was performance and I felt as if I was merely an audience, I felt no fear or concern as my mind was hovering a few feet above my head, watching on with full concentration so as not to miss out on anything.
The shopkeeper’s mind seemed preoccupied as he was unloading the money onto the counter, his eyes seemed to stray from the cash, as his panic seemed to almost intensify. The man with the gun paid no attention to it, he was beginning to show human emotion at this point as he smiled through his balaclava at all the money he had come upon, or in his own opinion, ‘earned’ and for one second he stared up at the ceiling as if to thank god for his bounty while in my own opinion he should have been staring downward in thanks as for it was this moment that the shopkeeper decided to clutch courage and raise the gun that lay behind the counter and unload three rounds into the stomach of the man opposite the counter.
The thief’s smile vanished and the look on his faced was replaced by one that could only be described as confused as he pulled the trigger of his own gun, sending a lead reply to the shopkeeper before slumping back onto the ground as the shopkeeper collapsed on to the counter.
I sat on the ground, attempting to comprehend what had just happened, in my head it had all been in slow motion while it all happened in a matter of seconds. I raised myself to my feet, staring at the wreckage, taking everything in. I wondered to myself if all of this was really happening or if I was still asleep and had taken my body’s advice and slept in.
suddenly, the thief began to move, I watched his hand reach for the gun which had slid to my feet, I spent a second watching him struggle in vein before I picked up out of reach, in his state he didn’t seem to pose much of a threat as he seemed to be suffering agony in every attempt to move.
I walked over to the counter observing the fallen shopkeeper, there were no signs of life from him at all, my eyes wandered over the scene until they came to the money. I stared at it for a moment, in my head was a war of morality, an angel and a devil whispering in both ears, and as usual, one voice seemed a little louder, I felt no fear of getting caught, as somehow I felt as if time had frozen around me, and what was the worst that could happen.
I took one step out from the automatic door with a shopping bag full of money to be greeted by a blinding light, and a voice through a megaphone, the police had arrived, I was confused “had it been that long already” I thought, in my mind it had only been a couple seconds since I was standing at the counter paying for cigarettes.
It was mad, nobody ever believed the truth about what really happened on that night, while I fell victim to my own greed and was given the blame for more than I had deserved. Now I lie in a cell, buried by a foolish mistake, branded a criminal and the angel and devil that both stood at upon shoulders have long since abandoned me.
