clock 3 votes Featured in Humour, Fable genre. 3 vote up
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User lianne said on Thursday 6th of November...

thanks ilia, (what uncontructive comment?):]

P1000894 (1) Ilia said on Thursday 6th of November...

Welcome Lianne... a truly wonderful and well written story .. (apologies for an unconstructive comment :>)

Crimson Fist luke said on Thursday 13th of November...

Cool. A dream piece right? Maybe one (constructive?) comment: The use of order is a bit confused (to me anyhow), In the dream, you mention stitching, checquer boards and clock ticking (although heard from the awake side right?): all ordered things. But also ants moving in a colony: chaos. In the office, there is everyone wearing the same, the clock, but also the crackers in disarray and 'uneven beats... against the keyboard'. Kinda gets a bit sexual towards the end as well: deep inside? Al

Crimson Fist luke said on Thursday 13th of November...

also 'ring of brown left like a kiss mark' is a gross simile. Loved it though. Like the clock chiming as one step closer to work ending. Evocative of office drudgery. Keep up the good work!

User lianne said on Friday 14th of November...

thanks for the comments luke (and voting :]), I get what you mean that there is a big jump between the first part and the second, probably because I wrote these at different times, reading it again, it does seem a bit confusing. I'll keep those in mind..You're right in saying its a dream piece, but I never intended for it to be that way, so I guess that added even more to the confusion. Again, the sexual part wasn't my intention too, I think I may have been feeling a bit pervy when I wrote this

User lianne said on Friday 14th of November...

Bout the simile, your comment made me laugh, I see your point. Anyway, thanks again for dropping by, and the support!

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